For those of you who are weak or profanity intolerant, please do not continue to read. Those of you who aren't, c'mon in:
Cleaned and dusted my room last night, still need to do my jewelry. Made sure the house was picked up and homewark was done. Went to be feeling accomplished, albeit late, but accomplished nonetheless.
Wake up and there's a mess all over the dinning room table from the homework project - okay it'll be taken care of before I get home.
Scout does NOT want to get dressed AND I literally have to DRAG him down the driveway to the bus while carrying his back pack, extra supplies for daycare and his diaper bag. Get back in the house and continue to try to get ready while knowing all the while the roads are bad. Finish getting ready, stress level up and get to work - albeit 20 minutes late, but arrive and NO one is here - - WHAT THE FUCK??!! Nope apparently our student forgot to mention she has a morning appointment and the other person had a dead battery so had to go to the shop. THEN I get calls from other staff that they are either ill or late. I want to go HOME and be all by myself.
I start thinking about how I'm still going to get a sitter for my weekend, I HATE being an island! I know there are people out there but it's like the time Boo passed away and I asked for help watching Scout and the other boys wanted to grieve alone on their own. Well I had someone come pick him up and when I came home 4 hours later having waited for the coroner I noticed Scout was home, I asked Jem about it and he said . . Mom she called and had me come get him twenty minutes later because he wasn't doing well and she couldn't handle it so she asked for my help. Again - WHAT THE FUCK!!! Jem didn't need that right now, neither did I or Dill I mean 4 hours people, four fucking hours at a time when I/we needed it the most. I mean SHIT I don't ask for sitters for the hell of it, to go shopping, to clean my house, to get my nails done, I mean SHIT its for freaken times I really NEED it and it ALMOST ALWAYS falls through. What the hell if I ever needed a break!
I KNOW there are others who would help but can't and I'M sooo not blaming them, seriously I'm not. Its the others who have NO KIDS at HOME who are UNDER 10 years old or none at all. Who don't work and have TONS of time on their hands. Would that kill them . . . .a few hours out of their day only to have him leave and they could nap or take a bath or whatever the FUCK they wanted to do. Okay so It's NOT their fault I have children I get that too but again Come the FUCK on PEOPLE!!
Oh and here's a kicker, I've been noticing that even while Boo is gone, I still have PUSHY, BOSSY, DEMANDING people in my life and I hate that! I don't know how they came to be in my life but again PEOPLE I NEED A REPRIEVE! You don't need to be nice all the time or even cater to me by any means, I CAN and WILL take care of myself but FUCK CUT ME SOME MOTHERFUCKING SLACK will ya. I am over 40 and have kids and SURELY DON'T NEED YOU TELLING ME WHAT TO DO just because I am nice and willing to listen. Yes, I will hear your advice and perhaps take it from time to time but then again maybe I won't. I know you all want life the way you want it but so fucking do I, SO DO I, yet I'm not pushy, bossy, demanding and/or rude. That being said, if you can't back up or cut me some FUCKING slack then LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I swear I'm gonna BUST and it WILL NOT BE PRETTY!
HOW IS THAT FOR A MOTHER FUCKING MONDAY!!
5 comments:
Oh good grief. Everyone duck! You know, people just get tired of always being 'on' and 100%. And lets face it...NO ONE CAN SURVIVE going at this pace all the time.
I feel you girl. Have no answers, just feelings. (By the way, my word verification is SINGE). That about covers it!
GG - Singe - I like that!
What a way to start the week. Hopefully things will turn around for you. I had suggested this to GG one time. How about finding a babysitter thru church or daycare for afterhours? There must be some kids out there that will babysit. And..How bout posting at your nearby highschool. They are close and you can screen them.
FM - That would be good for evening sitters but as of late he doesn't want to let me go for anything, he cries and is afraid I won't come back like his dad didn't so he's at a fragile stage right now. Most of the time I leave for a few hours he remains with his brothers, hence, no change in routine. I have to be a little careful with him as he already goes to school and daycare full time without us and because of his condition could be used to his own routine!
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