And if I wasn't hit with enough Do's and Don'ts and Advice within the last week . . .

here comes more people out of the woodwork challenging my love/support/intentions.

ARRRGGGH.  There are days that the boys and I have so much fun I feel as if we're doing fine.  THEN along come people with THEIR opinions of how we should be dealing with Boo's death.  I think I'm flying fine but then they go and turn off the auto pilot switch and throw in a BIG dose of reality - - WTH??  I know that they care and want whats best for the boys but also feel like they can't seem to thrive UNLESS there is a TON of DRAMA and we are sooo not cut from that cloth.

Why isn't what's working good enough for them, do they seriously want us to fall apart and become dependent on counselors, drugs and remain horizontal. 

NOW I get an email on FB because I cut and pasted that post about how much I love my mom, I thought I was being considerate, perhaps thoughtful . . WRONG.

I get this woman emailing me telling me how my mom talks to her about all of us kids and how much she LOVES my mom and HOW WONDERFUL she is to her and ALWAYS there for her but yet she SLAMS me with this. . . .Your Mom is so PROUD of you . . . .she is always talking about all her kids but i think not sure she feels so much closer to you!  BAM there it is again.  The proverbial gift of praise only to be taken back and slap you upside your face.

I simply reply telling her thanks for loving my mom so much she is an AMAZING woman and glad hse has been there to help her and that I love her too.  But that right now I'm treading just to keep my head above water for me and the boys.  And I will bet you all that I HAVE that she does NOT know the other side to the story.

SHIT do I really need outsiders who don't even KNOW the real flavor!!  DO I really NEED to call EVERYONE and tell the DAILY that I LOVE them and when I see them SQUEEZE the hell out of them, is that what they want????  Should I give them blood daily and not spare them from my day to day shit, HENCE telling them every Damn problem I go through every minute of the day.  Call them all the time only to hear Scout screaming or Dill and Gem arguing in the background, or hear homework woes, gripes complaints in the background?? 

Seriously I THOUGHT I was kind, considerate, compassionate and caring but FOR SOME REASON THESE NEEDY PEOPLE ARE TELLING ME ITS NOT ENOUGH.

MY bad side says to tell them if they need it so much, go out there and HUG and  HAND HOLD each other.  I just feel like they are sucking the life right out of me and that IT'S NEVER FREAKEN ENOUGH!  It always about THEM and how I MAKE THEM FEEL OR NOT FEEL.  Can't they just walk beside me and be my friend, is that tooo damn much!