HELL AND BACK . . . . MY STORY - Part I

Some of my friends swear they are keeping track of my discussions with them so they can write a book and sell the rights to Lifetime for a movie. Sad part is that its true, my life has the makings of one hell of a movie!

Okay so here goes, from the beginning of my most recent set back in life. About two years ago, Boo and I were muddling through life with our "wine" baby - Scout. As Scout had some genetic issues, Boo was envisioning all of the scenarios of what could or may be as we had no clue how this genetic disorder could affect Scout. Okay so we are knee deep in this stage of live when Boo suddenly gets more stressed out, more agitated, more irritable. Then as we come to the start of Winter and his work grows scarce, he gets more irritated, angry and sometimes downright cruel and not just to me this time but to all of us in the house.

By mid December, having had approached him SEVERAL times about his behavior and lack of tolerance for it, he refused to see anything wrong, much less care. As Christmas approached and our finances diminshed (because his work is mostly seasonal), his mood became more intense and intolerable. Christmas Eve he was totally void from all of us and he slept most of Christmas Day only to wake up to eat the big dinner I made. By that time I was done, my goose had been stewing long enough and was already over cooked! In trying to keep it all together for the boys, I tried desparately to cling onto the new year and some type of hope, the hope for anything new, some type of financial windfall, most of all a change in Boo's attitude.

It was on New Year's Day that I vowed that things had to change and I was NEVER ever going to waste months of my life, much less my boys' lives going through this hell, NEVER. I approached Boo with this and told him he had until Jem's and my birthday (almost the end of January), to get help, to figure out what was wrong but most of all to STOP treating us all so horribly.

Well it was the Monday before our birthdays and still no change, I had sent him several reminders so that he couldn't say he forgot because this would be one of the biggest life defining moments for our family. His response was no response. I couldn't believe it, here he was standing to lose us, lose everything and he didn't care or perhaps it was he wanted to call my bluff, the sad thing is I wasn't bluffing. It was during this time that I HAD to take a stand for my boys, I didn't want them repeating this behavior with their wives, nor did I want them to tolerate this type of behavior from their wives. Well we had a celebration for our birthdays and all Boo did was sit and pout and stew all by himself. I spent the entire night of my birthday celebration answering the million dollar question, "What's wrong with Boo?". After my family left, I was FUMING so I approached him, and demanded he leave, I told him I had enough! Unfortunately as I was screaming and yelling and the fact that this had boiled up inside of me for months I decided to let some choice names fly in which Jem (my 14 year old) heard as he came walking into the room. Oh my God I felt so horrible. Angry that he had gotten me so aggitated and more angry that my son's birthday had been tainted by what he had heard his mom call his dad and his dad packing up and leaving!

DAMMIT BOO couldn't you have changed at least tried or gotten help???? NOPE he went out with a huge send off one that I ended up paying dearly for with my teenage boy because even though they were smart enough to have known that their dad was treating me horribly, they didn't care about that, all they saw was mom telling him to leave. I hated that he put me in that predicament and left me no other choice, I truly did. It was so bad that it never bothered me that I would have to take care of three boys by myself, moreover one that had the potential to be special needs on only $20.00 in the bank.

I'm going to have to break this up into a few blogs because it's a lot to read.