My ALONE time . . . . .Even through the Pouring Rain I see things A lot clearer

So as of 10:30 a.m. when Boo took all 3 boys to my WONDERFUL niece and nephews home for the weekend I was FREE. There was not a sound in the entire house to be heard, not even a mouse! Boo came home and we headed out in search of lunch. We stopped at a local mexican buffet, inexpensive and good. I had no idea what the weekend would bring as my sister had decided at the last minute she couldn't join me. EPIC fail of my life, lots of plans often go to the wayside when I include others. Thats okay I was going to have two days to MYSELF and the boys were going to have a blast swimming, making smores, my amazing nephew and niece had already told me how they went out and bought all kinds of fun kids food and planned the entire weekend, I thank GOD for them, I truly do!

Boo and I drove for over an hour and a half in the pouring rain and my thoughts of what I had planned for the weekend continued to fade however, being that I am used to things happening out of my control, I stayed hopeful nonetheless. Boo held my hand almost the entire trip only letting go to navigate around idiots who felt the need to speed past and cut us off in weather where you couldn't see your hand in front of you. As we listened to old school love songs he shared with me some more. He had told me about how he was really trying to move forward and that some of my actions and words were similar to the time that led up to our separation and I would treat him like he was no good. I hadn't realized this but could very well be true, because even when I try to entirely let my guard down, I manage to go into protection mode without knowing it. He told me it hurt him knowing that and I imagine it was hard for him as a man to keep trying while thinking that if I'm unwilling to let go of past hurts, it wouldn't make a difference of how hard he tried. I had apologized and told him I didn't realize what I was subconsciously doing and that I know how much he has been doing but there are times when things sometimes happen that I don't like and I speak my mind. Some of these things that happened before our separation still linger, not as extreme but linger and when they arise, I come against them full force as I have in the past failing to realize that Boo and I are no longer those people and while I know old habits die hard and even though we've done those defense dances for years, I have to learn a new dance, and meet him half way so we can dance together in love and unison, no longer in pain, hurt and defense.

When we reach the hotel Boo had to leave for his pre-fishing meeting and meet up with his partner. He would be gone over 3 hours, this is where my sister and I were finally going to be able to get some relaxing, undistracted one on one alone time (unfortunately, this was not to be the case). Also the beach is more like 15 minutes away and since I let Boo have the vehicle even though he wanted me to come along, I relished the thought of alone time.

I took a 1/2 hour jacuzzi tub bath, I walked next door to get an iced coffee, and I laid on the bed all by myself in complete silence. Oh there's lots to be said about that. Boo came back and his partner met us, we walked to a restaurant sports bar and had a nice dinner then we came back to the room while I watched a great love story and they prepped the boat for their tournament. Sadly though when I was going through the channels, Finding Nemo was on (Scouts favorite movie we watch twice a day) I tell you I felt a pang in my side but had to wave it off because if I called them I would break down because I miss them all terribly. When Boo came back we watched a comedian on HBO and went to sleep. I'll tell you more about my early morning later as I'm off to the sauna and a swim because the clock is ticking and it won't be long before my coach turns back into a pumpkin and I turn back into a mom!