FRIENDS . . . .

I've been wanting to write this post for sometime but became preoccupied with my story. They do, however, fit together in a strong sense but this one needed to be on its own. . . .See we all need FRIENDS and true friends are the ones you can rant/bitch with, cry with, laugh with and just be you with, no matter who you are, just be you.


Over the years I have made MANY friends and acquaintances and yes I truly know the difference. However, it seems as of late that some people I had thought to be my really close true friends turned into acquaintances, go figure. I have some great friends from Jr. High School that we still remain close. I have made some other very near and dear friends through our children, school, sports, PTA, etc. Most of all I have made some truly terrific friends through work and church. Of course we cannot discount the ones God sent me on this blog. Wow, when you put it out there like this, it seems like a lot and trust me every single one of these people I would do ANYTHING for and give ANYTHING to.


Okay so that being said, I have been there for some through illnesses, children's problems, nasty divorces, social issues, housing problems, anything life threw at them, you name it, I could be counted on to be there. And for SOME of these people I could say the same in retrospect. HOWEVER, when we had our "later in life" child, we lost a great deal of close friends as their children were older and could take care of themselves and Boo and I were not as easily accessible to do things with them because of sitter issues, baby issues and mostly the fact that we didn't get to see Scout too much because we both worked so we usually stayed in to spend time with all of our children. We have never really done much without all of our kids but when Scout arrived it was a bit more difficult to have him tag along as most of you know with infants/toddlers. Well that being said, quite a bit of friends dropped us like bad habits because of this, what they thought was an "inconvenience". Oh sure it hurt and I couldn't understand it because a later in life child really changes everything and it was during those changes, I NEEDED them the most, but I NEVER thought it would change my friends. Oh well, chalk that up to one huge painful lesson learned.


Then after having sacrificed time, money and energy in the remaining friends I had, Boo left and some of my friends must have seen that as a sign that I might possibly need them and apparently it scared the hell out of them because they were so used to me being there for them, they had no idea how to be there for me . . .are you FREAKIN kidding me, I am the most low maintenance person there is and even at my lowest points was NEVER really dependent on any of them, just wanted them to help divert my focus off from my own problems. But little by little some of my dearer friends started dropping like flies. My counselor told me that when you go through separation or divorce, that is WHEN you will truly see who your friends are and who are not. I remember telling her, no that's not always the case because I have amazing friends, that'll NEVER happen to me - - guess that cruel painful joke was on me. I still remember the sting that left scars, deep scars moreso than any scars from Boo. I trusted these people, I let them into my life, I gave them part of my very being and shared more than I probably could ever had shared with my own husband and BAM there I was left alone out in the cold by MYSELF.


THEN when Boo moved back home, most of the remaining friends I had refused to speak with me. Just flat out disowned me, not even giving me the time of day to shed any light on my side of the story, didn't matter to them, they didn't care, they just refused to even attempt to accept what I was doing let alone why. Oh this one hurt, it hurt beyond reprieve, more so than ANYONE had ever hurt me because these were the people I counted on, I trusted, that I was there for when NO ONE else was, but somehow that didn't matter. They were so much into how it made them feel when Boo moved back home that they neglected to even consider how I felt.

You know it's ironic that I've always believed in order to have a good friend you need to be a good friend and I always gave these people 150% of me, I was there for them when it sometimes meant putting my own family on the side. Of course I also keep believing into doing unto others as you would have done to you. Okay so I've been told that I probably believe in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny (not going there) but I do believe in finding the best in everyone and they know/knew that. This has been one of the most painful realities in all my life and I still feel the holes in my soul that are left from their lingering effects.

During all of this turmoil in my life there remained a handful of friends, one's I truly can call my FRIENDS, they have been there for me in every sense of the word and they know that I am there for them the same way. They have never judged me, sure they've vented and ranted at me just as have I when I strongly disapproved with what they did or might do, but that's all part of growing and honesty and the realization that we are ALL different and unique and we are NEVER going to always agree on EVERYTHING, even in a perfect world, that's what makes us that much more special . . . our differences. We have laughed, cried, shared, loved as much as any human beings could possibly do with one another and then some and I am here to say, I LOVE THEM with all my heart! We share a bond far greater than one can share because all of the things we've been through together in each of our respective lives. I am here to say they are AMAZING, truly AMAZING beings and I am so proud to call them FRIEND! ! What's more amazing is this group consists of people I have worked with over the years and no longer work at those places anymore, people from my church and even people I have met here in blogger world (what's sad is that these blogger friends, even though we've only known each other a short period of time, they have been there for me MORE than some of the friends I've had over 15 years).

So that being said, HERE'S TO YOU MY KINDRED SOUL FRIENDS. . . HERE'S TO YOU. You know who you are and I hope that you know how AMAZING you are and more importantly how PROUD I am to call you FRIEND and how thankful I am that God put you into my life! I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW!!